Some Contemplation...

             Jesuit priest and Professor of Theology and Ethics Dean Brackley defined contemplation as follows: “paying close attention to reality and allowing the truth to sink in, penetrate us, and stir our feelings and thoughts. […] action and contemplation are complementary […].”[1]

            This past semester, I took a course entitled Christian Discernment and Decision Making and I was truly blessed by my small group members in this class.  The last night of class we circled up and each member wrote a short paragraph about each member, basically saying what they appreciated about that specific person and what strengths and gifts they saw.  Their encouraging words meant so much to me.  They stated that I was a leader as well as a great listener.  The strengths and gifts they saw in me opened my eyes and infiltrated my heart with encouragement and enlightenment.  The truth in their writings truly affirmed that I am on the right vocational path.  For the last part of our written final, we were to contemplate and reflect on the words our members wrote to us, so this is my contemplation.  As usual, God really spoke through their words.

            What struck me most was what Valdez – one of the small group members who is from the Bahamas – pointed out.  He wrote, “You are without a doubt a strong leader and I would argue that resilience is one of your stronger qualities.”  This word ‘resilience’ really caught me off guard.  I have always considered myself to be a person who is timid in spirit, usually being afraid of any conflict or confrontation.  For me ‘resilience’ meant the opposite of what I thought I was.  This word baffled me so much that I looked up its definition.  Resilience is defined as “the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.”[2]  The words that I italicized in that definition really hit home.  It recalled a specific scriptural passage to my mind: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”[3] 

            As I continued to struggle with this word, God gently revealed to me that it did indeed suit me.  Though I may have gone through many trials and tribulations in my life, my faith in Christ has been constant.  It is the foundation that I always hold onto and return to after being bent, compressed, and stretched.  So, maybe I am resilient.  As I grow in my faith and education my views are being challenged and pressed from every angle.  Even though some of my thoughts and convictions have changed, they are only the stretch marks of my continual growth, because at the core, my salvation in Christ is unchanging.   

            God Bless You all and may you always be attuned to God's quiet yet powerful voice. 

         -Pip Q.

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[1] Brackley, Dean. The Call to Discernment in Troubled Times, pp. 225.

[2] www.dictionary.com. Emphasis added.

[3] 2 Corinthians 4:8-9.  In New International Version Bible. www.gatewaybible.com.

A Little Poetry...

    Well, I am finally back! It has been way too long since I last posted and I apologize for that! Its the last week of classes and finals are looming over my head.  I will post later about a really cool answer to prayer that happened over Thanksgiving, but for now, I wanted to share a couple poems I wrote for my Christian Suffering and Healing class.  The first poem, you may recognize this Biblical story :) It is found in the Gospels: Mark 5:24-32, Luke 8:42-47, Matthew 9:18-22.  The second poem is from C. S. Lewis' book A Grief Observed and in this book he is reflecting and writing about his grief process after losing his wife to cancer.  Both poems are an expression of using reflective imagination to draw deep meaning from each text.  I hope you enjoy!

Poem #1:

No one. 

No one has been able to fix me.
For I have sought out many, but all failed to heal;
The true issue never to be revealed. 

As I painfully carry my bleeding body full of sores,
Through a sea of people who care for me no more,
I see the One, and His essence calls out to mine.
Who is this man? It is Him I must find!

If only I can touch Him, touch the fringe of His robe,
I know my pain and illness will forth go.
As I push hastily through the crowd,
A new determination I am endowed.
Closer and closer I draw to my goal,
My faith ever growing deep within my soul.

Finally, He is within my arms reach,
And with one last push, I take a fateful leap.
As I fall to the dirt road,
My fingers gently graze His weathered robe.

 

Instantly, my entire being was made clean,
As the man turned and asked, “Who touched me?”
While He turned, His eyes gracefully met mine,
And in that moment I knew I was in the presence of the Divine.
Scared and trembling I admitted, “Lord, I touched you … It was me.”
But He lovingly replied, “Take heart, my daughter, your faith has made you clean.”

Who would have known that after many years of pain and strife,
That touching this man’s clothes would give me new life.
The old is gone, and the new is come.
Without a doubt, my old life is done.
I will live my life proclaiming His name
Because surely I met the one true God today.

Poem #2:

Hello? You there? Are You even around?

Ever since You took her from me,
You annoyingly cannot be found. 
She and I were one flesh.  That was who we were.
But what am I now, God, without her?


I have all these feelings deep within me.
Perhaps You know them,
Grief, confusion, pain, anger, misery?
But what do You care, God! You aren’t even listening.
For what am I now, but half a man who is suffering. 

As the days drag on without answers … and without her,
My emotions and feelings begin to change and differ. 
Numbness and fear disorient my being,
For the God I once knew, I am no longer seeing.
 

As I come to the bottom of this dark valley,

I turn to the empty pedestal where God once sat so highly.
I cry out with one final petty lament,
“WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?! Your absence I resent!”
And with that last word, I turned back around,
To face the Lord I so eagerly longed to have found.

Nothing was said.  But we simply began to walk,
And in our silence, our hearts began to talk.
As we continued our journey together,
My heart soon became lighter and lighter.
In those moments I had spent with Him,
A new revelation did begin.

As I recalled and reminisced, 
I realized that I had not been alone through all of this,
My emotions were real, though at times vain and fickle.
But I now understood that I’d never be given more than I could handle.
And with this realization, I turned to the God-man beside me,
To only see one pair of foot prints lay behind me. 
But in those footprints I finally did see,
That God had faithfully brought me out of Death Valley.

     ***God has so wonderfully created us with the imagination and I hope that you can utilize these poems in a relflective manner. ***

Peace and Many Blessings,

Pip Q.

Snowed In

             

           Today’s post will be a short one and not super theologically in depth.  Well, today Waite Park/St. Cloud is experiencing its first real snow; when it snows, it dumps??  It was very entertaining driving home from the gym seeing central Minnesotans relearning how to drive in snow again. Anyways, the Hubs and I are not going anywhere for the rest of the day, which is a little sad because we were going to check out a new church (The Fusion Church) but the roads are BAD!  Hopefully next week, but the rest of today we are sitting around in our cozy apartment drinking coffee (I love my little Caffeine Station).

            As my wonderful husband enjoys relaxing (which he totally deserves), my plan is to get caught up a bit on my research reading for my Thesis.  When I think I’m done finding sources, something else gloriously falls into my lap!  I really enjoy reading and exploring this very controversial debate.  God has been really shaping and molding me through this whole process and provided for me in so many ways.  I am very thankful for the professors, peers, friends, and family who either continue to encourage and/or challenge me throughout this process.  All angles have been beneficial to my Thesis!  

            I also want to thank the Lord for bringing Amanda back into my life.  I have been kind of down on the fact that I do not have any close girlfriends around this area anymore.  Though we may only contact through email, Amanda you have helped so much! So thank you for being a wonderful vessel for God and I’m so happy that our friendship is regenerating!  Anyways, I better get back to reading, but I thought I would write up a quick post! May God bless you where ever you are today!  Peace.

                                                              Pip Q

In Snow Thou Comest

In snow thou comest --
Thou shalt go with the resuming ground,
The sweet derision of the crow,
And Glee's advancing sound.

In fear thou comest --
Thou shalt go at such a gait of joy
That man anew embark to live
Upon the depth of thee. 

-Emily Dickinson

In the Quiet, You are there...

"Listen ... with the ear of your heart."

Rule of St. Benedict Prologue

            I attended “Come to the Quiet” retreat at the Episcopal House of Prayer last Friday with fellow Theology students and Faculty.  I just wanted to share a little bit about my experiences of this evening.  It was so needed! I have been working my butt off this semester by taking 4 upper division theology courses and an upper division German history course (A lot of reading and writing!).  God has really allowed me to stay somewhat sane through all of this! Anyways, this retreat was so beneficial and allowed students and faculty to come together in prayer, reflection, and fellowship.  What a wonderful relationship we as students have with our awesome faculty!

            What I want to share with you all is the reassurance and love God gives to all of us.  As I have been on my faith and educational journey, I often feel like the rebel child in my family and church family.  I love my Evangelical background and it has really embedded value and worth of my faith in Christ, but I cannot help but feel that I have, in some way, stepped outsides of their “ideal” plan for every Christian child.  I’ve always felt that if I did not go to an Evangelical college and marry the “perfect” evangelical husband, that I am not in God’s plan.  Now, I’m probably just exaggerating some of my family and church’s uneasiness and dissatisfaction, but I cannot embellish the feelings I have when I encounter this.  I get the feeling that since I chose to attend a Catholic college and married a Christian man who does not necessarily consider himself Evangelical, that I must not be doing anything God-glorifying.  This is often the kind of recognition I feel that I get from some of my family and church.  Well, Friday evening at “Come to the Quiet” retreat, God gave me reassurance that I am on the right path … 

            When we were praying through a scriptural passage, Sister M. would read a part of the passage, be silent, and then ask a question to guide us in reflection.  During this she asked, “What would you like to tell God?”  At this point of the reflection, I was enjoying the peacefulness of this style of prayerful mediation, but then the next question is what stirred my spirit.  Sister M. then asked, “What would God like to tell you?”  I have never thought of it in this way before.  I have always concerned myself with what others thought of me and of course I always considered the will of God, but I had never thought to ask God what He wanted to tell me.  At that moment when I asked God this question, I was overcome by God’s Spirit and this overwhelming sense that God was so proud of me … I cannot even come close to accurately describing this in my limited human expression.  I was reassured that I am not a disappointment in God’s eyes and that I am where I need to be and doing what I need to do, and that God is glorified by my life and my hunger to know and understand Him better.  It was as if God had spoken directly to my heart.  What an amazing thing it is to be able to have such a wonderful and powerful relationship with our God. 

             At the end of the evening, I was (and still am) so thankful for the people God has brought into my life.  I am blessed by the community I find in my fellow theology students and the theology faculty.  No matter the denomination, I consider you my sisters and brothers in Christ and I value your unique walk with God.  Thank you for your support and encouragement.  To my family and Church family, I hope you do not find any offense in what I shared about feeling like a disappointment to you.  I love you all dearly and hope that you can see the Jesus in me and how He is continually shaping and working in my life.  I know God has big plans for my life and I am so thrilled!  Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.  I know I just started it but it is a wonderful way for me to share my life and my journey with all those I care about.  May God always be your Assurance and Salvation. Peace and Blessings,

                       -Pip Q.

Ubuntu –

"I am what I am because of who we all are."

UPDATE:

            My initial Thesis presentation to the Department of Theology went really well! I had good feedback and support from the faculty.  I also felt God’s hand in it the whole way, which was the greatest encouragement of them all!  I was able to share my research with passion and vigor.  If not noticed from the previous post, the title of my Thesis is “I Will Not Be Silent” – that was totally a Divine inspiration because I had no idea what to call me thesis and then it just plopped in my lap! Also, my fellow classmates had wonderful presentations as well. Praise be to God!

**Link to a virtual tour of Episcopal House of Prayer**

E. House of Prayer 

"I Will Not Be Silent" - Part 1

         

            As some of you may know, I am currently working on writing and drafting my Theology Thesis/Research Project.  To be honest, I have been fairly apprehensive of sharing with others what my thesis is about because I know it is a debatable topic in many Christian denominations.  But the cat has to come out of the bag some day!  In my Thesis, I am arguing for women’s ordination.  Since I come from an Evangelical background, I am arguing for it within the Evangelical Church (but obviously an issue within other Christian churches). 

            My argument is a two-fold layout.  I am first addressing how Evangelical Christians often utilize Scripture (Literalism/Fundamentalism), and offering a critique and arguing that there needs to be further analysis of all the dynamics Scripture has to offer.  I am very passionate about this first part of my argument because I strongly oppose Proof-Texting, which is selecting certain Scriptural passages and entering them indirectly into discussions or thoughts to support a particular conclusion.  I also think it is irresponsible of readers, particularly Christians, to simply take the Biblical text at face value or in a culturally neutral manner.  I do not want to rant on this, but I am calling Bible-believing Christians to, what I would deem, a more responsible and thorough process of interpreting God’s Word.   

            The second part of my argument is to apply this reformed way of Biblical interpretation.  An in-depth look at how Jesus interacts and includes women in his ministry is crucial to this part.  A biblical woman that will be drawn upon as evidence for women leadership will be Phoebe of the Church of Cenchrae found in Romans 16, who is referred to as diakonos and prostatis, the first meaning deacon and the latter meaning guardian, leader, patron, and woman who is set over others ( I will also be drawing upon other women in the Bible, especially the Samaritan Woman at the Well).  Another aspect will be a reformed interpretation of 1^st Timothy Chapter 2. 

            I know that many of you may be taken aback by my stance on women’s ordination, but I hope that you can look at this with an open heart and mind.  I want to remind you that challenge is a good thing for your faith.  It refines it and makes it clearer and stronger.  In the end, you may agree or disagree with my point of view, but I will always love and respect you, because you will forever be a brother or sister in Christ.

            Tonight I am presenting my outline of my Thesis to the Department of Theology of CSB/SJU.  I am strangely not as nervous as I expected myself to be (that could easily change later today!).  I kindly ask that you will send a prayer up for me about tonight and for my continued research and writing.  I will eventually post a concluding statement about my research and argument at a later date, but I felt that it was only fair to be honest and share with you what I am currently doing.  I will be presenting my finished research to the D. of Theo., parents/family/friends, and undergraduate Theology Majors and Minors on December 6^th, so I ask for prayer for that as well.  After this date, along with a concluding statement of my Thesis, I will post my final PDF copy of my Thesis for all who dare to read it. 

            Peace and Blessings, Pip Q. 

            “ ²³But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. ²⁴ Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. ²⁵ But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. ²⁶ For you are all sons and daughters of God through faith in Christ Jesus. ²⁷ For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. ²⁸There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Galatians 3:23-28

God in My Morning Walk

Awareness of God

To look for God not in the abstract but in the ordinary events of every day.

"We believe that the divine presence is everywhere."

Rule of St. Benedict 19

Today’s post is simple. I’d like to draw upon this beautiful Benedictine value of simply being aware of God. These pictures in this post is from my morning walk to my Moral Theology class. Every morning that I have to make this walk from Flinn Town[1] to my class, I always feel God walking with me. God is in the cool, brisk breeze that sends chills down my spine and in the sunshine that peaks through the trees. God’s fingerprints are evident in the bright colors of the autumn leaves and in the clear blue sky that towers above me. And every time I see the St. John’s Abbey Church ahead of me through the trees, I am reminded of the purposeful architecture in its design; a man-made creation structured and intended to reflect glory back to God.[2] I hope that these pictures inspire you to look for God in the ordinary events of your own day. May God bless your weekend. Peace.

Prayer Request:

-Riley is sending his applications in for Physical Therapy School. Our fingers are crossed that Rocky Mountain State (Provo, Utah) wants him. J

-I am presenting my thesis research and outline to the Department of Theology on Monday evening. I’m so nervous! Pray for calmness.

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[1] Flinn Town parking lot is the farthest parking lot from the main part of campus. A good 5-10 minute walk.

[2] If interested, I wrote a research paper on St. John’s Abbey Church a year ago titled “Saint John’s Abbey Church: Finding a Personal Appreciation in One’s Community.” Follow PDF link provided in this post.

St. John's Abbey Church: Finding A Personal Appreciation in One's Community

Hear With Your Heart

Open my eyes that I may see

Glimpses of truth thou hast for me;

Place in my hands the wonderful key

That shall unclasp and set me free.

Open my ears that I may hear

Voices of truth thou sendest clear,

And while the wave notes fall on my ear

Everything false will disappear.

Silently now I wait for thee,

Ready by God, thy will to see;

Open my eyes, illumine me,

Spirit divine.

-Clara H. Scott

            Throughout my busy life I have been trying to take time where I can just sit and be quiet with God.  Sometimes that’s before the sun rises with my morning coffee, or when I’m sitting in the library between classes, or like now, when I’m home alone in my freshly cleaned apartment.  I don’t play any music or do any fancy breathing techniques to calm or relax myself.  I just sit… in the silence… and be.  I do this because I long to be what God wants me to be; I desire direction and guidance in this crazy journey called life.  I aspire to be like King Solomon when God told him to ask for whatever he needed (1 Kings 3) and “Solomon could have asked for anything – wealth, long life, or anything else – but he asked for only one thing: a ‘hearing heart’ […].”[1]  To the ancient Hebrews, the heart was the core of the whole human being, living out in every aspect of their lives. “Most important, it was within the heart that people truly met God’s word – where real knowledge and conversion took place.”[2]  And if it is only for a few moments that we can get to be in this meeting place with God, it makes all the more difference in our lives.  God’s compassion moves through us and over flows into our daily workings.  I am definitely not perfect at discerning and being Jesus with skin on (as Gordon always called it), but I find encouragement and hope in knowing that I am continually trying.  God works in everyone’s life in unique and personal ways and that’s what makes life so beautiful. The thing is we often do not take the time to step back and reflect on how the Lord worked in our lives each day.  My hope is that through this blog, whether it be a reflection like this one, or a theological inquisition (which I will do!), that I can take you that step back and give you the chance to be with God, whether it be in praise, adoration, pain, confusion, contemplation, or whatever your heart is needing at that moment.  May this be a gentle reminder to hear with your heart and bring God into your day. Peace.

Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning, for in you I put my trust.  Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

- Psalm 143:8

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[1] Farrington, Debra K. Hearing with the Heart: a Gentle Guide for Discerning God's Will for Your Life. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2003, p. 3. 

[2] Ibid., p. 4.

Introduction!

God be in my head, and in my understanding;

God be in my eyes, and in my looking;

God be in my mouth, and in my speaking;

God be in my heart, and in my thinking;

God be at my end, and at my departing.

-Anonymous

            I have wanted to create a blog for quite some time, but I just never knew what to blog about!  There are so many situations and things that are going on in my life right now that I could potentially write about.  Then God laid it on my heart that I need to use my gift of writing (I have come to LOVE writing!) and be more open with the world about the things that I am going through in life on a spiritual and intellectual level. 

            Now, some of you may wonder why I choose to put ‘spiritual’ and ‘intellectual’ on the same level.  As I have been growing in both of these areas, I have come to the realization that they go hand in hand.  What is faith if, at the heart of it, you do not know what you really believe?  And how far can you learn if you do not take a leap of faith now and again?  During my time as a theology student at College of St. Benedict, God has been molding and challenging my faith, knowledge, and passions.  I entered this school with a fractured and somewhat blind faith, but then I met people who thoroughly challenged me.  At first, being challenged in what I believed was quite uncomfortable, but then it hit me: the Lord was refining me through the fire (Psalm 66:10), and what a beautiful process it has been!

            This blog is for me just as much as it is for you.  I hope that what I write can be inspirational and thought provoking.  I almost want to apologize for some content that you may not necessary agree with or makes you uneasy, but then I realized, what I am sharing then would not be a challenge if it did not get under your skin once in a while.  Being challenged is healthy in our search to understand our lives and the God we serve.  Feel free to use what I write as an open invitation to discuss and work out things; that is my ultimate desire for people.  God has stirred a passion in me to encourage and engage people in their faith or in their seeking of faith, hence the title of my blog “Faith Seeking Understanding.” I only ask that you read and respond with respect and an open heart.  I also pray that in your own busy and hectic lives you are able to steal away some time to simply be still and bask in the presence of God.  Peace and blessings.

Be still and know that I am God.

-Psalm 46:10