Start of a New Journey

It is amazing to look back at these last two and a half years and see how God has worked in my life as I attended CSB/SJU.  I remember walking into my first Theology class not knowing what to expect; little did I know that in these classes I was going to meet God in a serious, real, and relevant way.  Going back to school was initially an intimidating thought to me since I had been out of formal schooling for three years.  But the timing was right.  I had recently went through a confusing and humbling life experience and only God knew that I needed a fresh start, a chance to grow and heal, and ultimately cultivate my relationship with God in a way I had desperately needed for a very, VERY long time.  Being unsure of what to expect in this new learning environment, I remember instantly feeling at home in the Theology program.  I knew that this was where God wanted me at that specific time of my life and in January of 2010, my theological journey began. 

I do not remember exactly when I was first introduced to St. Anselm’s definition of theology, but it defined my theological journey quite well: “Faith seeking understanding.”  I was not looking to be spoon-fed what to believe anymore, but to wrestle with and work out my understanding of God and my relationship with God.  In the Theology program at CSB/SJU, I found the challenge, the encouragement, and the openness I needed to flourish in my intellectual and spiritual journey.  It was not easy at times but I learned to truly appreciate what I believe and it opened my heart to what God was calling me to do.  It was evident that God was using my professors and fellow theology majors/minors in a mighty way in my journey at CSB/SJU.  I am so thankful for them and I know that is was by no mistake God brought them all into my life.  My fellow sisters and brothers in Christ from varying denominations opened my eyes and heart to a wider and clearer understanding of what it means to be a part of the Body of Christ.  The challenges and differences that we grappled through only made our unity is Christ stronger and for that I am so very thankful.  You all helped to paint a beautiful and colorful picture of the diversity of God’s people.  Thank you for getting me out of my theological bubble; I count you all as blessings in my life.     

Some may be asking, “What to do now?”  It is quite clear that God has called Riley and I to stay in St. Cloud for the next year.  God opened and closed doors and we believe that this is a year of waiting on the LORD for our next move.  The LORD has given me the wonderful opportunity to work with fantastic people at Central MN Youth for Christ and some amazing young ladies at BRAID.  I am excited to see what the LORD has in store for this year!  I know that right now God is personally calling me to ministry with these young ladies and I praise the LORD that I get to have another year with them.  When the timing is right, I know God will make it evident when I am supposed to go back to school, but for now, youth ministry is where my heart is at and CSB/SJU has fully equipped me for this vocational calling. 

Once again, I just want to thank all of my theology professors for the passion, intelligence, and vigor that you instilled into me as your student.  I pray that you know you are making a huge difference in the lives of many individuals.  Thank you to all my fellow theology majors and minors for learning alongside of me and being some of the most inspiring young adults that I have every met.  Thank you to the people at Youth for Christ for making me feel at home there and constantly encouraging me in my faith, work, and ministry; I look forward to our next year together.  Thank you to my wonderful husband, friends, family, and in-laws who have been supportive in my academic and spiritual journey.  Mom and dad, I know that you are proud of me and that means the world to me.  And last but definitely not least, thank you God for being forever faithful to me and for Your continual guidance in this ultimate journey called life.

-Pippa Quiram 

Some Contemplation...

             Jesuit priest and Professor of Theology and Ethics Dean Brackley defined contemplation as follows: “paying close attention to reality and allowing the truth to sink in, penetrate us, and stir our feelings and thoughts. […] action and contemplation are complementary […].”[1]

            This past semester, I took a course entitled Christian Discernment and Decision Making and I was truly blessed by my small group members in this class.  The last night of class we circled up and each member wrote a short paragraph about each member, basically saying what they appreciated about that specific person and what strengths and gifts they saw.  Their encouraging words meant so much to me.  They stated that I was a leader as well as a great listener.  The strengths and gifts they saw in me opened my eyes and infiltrated my heart with encouragement and enlightenment.  The truth in their writings truly affirmed that I am on the right vocational path.  For the last part of our written final, we were to contemplate and reflect on the words our members wrote to us, so this is my contemplation.  As usual, God really spoke through their words.

            What struck me most was what Valdez – one of the small group members who is from the Bahamas – pointed out.  He wrote, “You are without a doubt a strong leader and I would argue that resilience is one of your stronger qualities.”  This word ‘resilience’ really caught me off guard.  I have always considered myself to be a person who is timid in spirit, usually being afraid of any conflict or confrontation.  For me ‘resilience’ meant the opposite of what I thought I was.  This word baffled me so much that I looked up its definition.  Resilience is defined as “the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.”[2]  The words that I italicized in that definition really hit home.  It recalled a specific scriptural passage to my mind: “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”[3] 

            As I continued to struggle with this word, God gently revealed to me that it did indeed suit me.  Though I may have gone through many trials and tribulations in my life, my faith in Christ has been constant.  It is the foundation that I always hold onto and return to after being bent, compressed, and stretched.  So, maybe I am resilient.  As I grow in my faith and education my views are being challenged and pressed from every angle.  Even though some of my thoughts and convictions have changed, they are only the stretch marks of my continual growth, because at the core, my salvation in Christ is unchanging.   

            God Bless You all and may you always be attuned to God's quiet yet powerful voice. 

         -Pip Q.

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[1] Brackley, Dean. The Call to Discernment in Troubled Times, pp. 225.

[2] www.dictionary.com. Emphasis added.

[3] 2 Corinthians 4:8-9.  In New International Version Bible. www.gatewaybible.com.

A Little Poetry...

    Well, I am finally back! It has been way too long since I last posted and I apologize for that! Its the last week of classes and finals are looming over my head.  I will post later about a really cool answer to prayer that happened over Thanksgiving, but for now, I wanted to share a couple poems I wrote for my Christian Suffering and Healing class.  The first poem, you may recognize this Biblical story :) It is found in the Gospels: Mark 5:24-32, Luke 8:42-47, Matthew 9:18-22.  The second poem is from C. S. Lewis' book A Grief Observed and in this book he is reflecting and writing about his grief process after losing his wife to cancer.  Both poems are an expression of using reflective imagination to draw deep meaning from each text.  I hope you enjoy!

Poem #1:

No one. 

No one has been able to fix me.
For I have sought out many, but all failed to heal;
The true issue never to be revealed. 

As I painfully carry my bleeding body full of sores,
Through a sea of people who care for me no more,
I see the One, and His essence calls out to mine.
Who is this man? It is Him I must find!

If only I can touch Him, touch the fringe of His robe,
I know my pain and illness will forth go.
As I push hastily through the crowd,
A new determination I am endowed.
Closer and closer I draw to my goal,
My faith ever growing deep within my soul.

Finally, He is within my arms reach,
And with one last push, I take a fateful leap.
As I fall to the dirt road,
My fingers gently graze His weathered robe.

 

Instantly, my entire being was made clean,
As the man turned and asked, “Who touched me?”
While He turned, His eyes gracefully met mine,
And in that moment I knew I was in the presence of the Divine.
Scared and trembling I admitted, “Lord, I touched you … It was me.”
But He lovingly replied, “Take heart, my daughter, your faith has made you clean.”

Who would have known that after many years of pain and strife,
That touching this man’s clothes would give me new life.
The old is gone, and the new is come.
Without a doubt, my old life is done.
I will live my life proclaiming His name
Because surely I met the one true God today.

Poem #2:

Hello? You there? Are You even around?

Ever since You took her from me,
You annoyingly cannot be found. 
She and I were one flesh.  That was who we were.
But what am I now, God, without her?


I have all these feelings deep within me.
Perhaps You know them,
Grief, confusion, pain, anger, misery?
But what do You care, God! You aren’t even listening.
For what am I now, but half a man who is suffering. 

As the days drag on without answers … and without her,
My emotions and feelings begin to change and differ. 
Numbness and fear disorient my being,
For the God I once knew, I am no longer seeing.
 

As I come to the bottom of this dark valley,

I turn to the empty pedestal where God once sat so highly.
I cry out with one final petty lament,
“WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?! Your absence I resent!”
And with that last word, I turned back around,
To face the Lord I so eagerly longed to have found.

Nothing was said.  But we simply began to walk,
And in our silence, our hearts began to talk.
As we continued our journey together,
My heart soon became lighter and lighter.
In those moments I had spent with Him,
A new revelation did begin.

As I recalled and reminisced, 
I realized that I had not been alone through all of this,
My emotions were real, though at times vain and fickle.
But I now understood that I’d never be given more than I could handle.
And with this realization, I turned to the God-man beside me,
To only see one pair of foot prints lay behind me. 
But in those footprints I finally did see,
That God had faithfully brought me out of Death Valley.

     ***God has so wonderfully created us with the imagination and I hope that you can utilize these poems in a relflective manner. ***

Peace and Many Blessings,

Pip Q.

In the Quiet, You are there...

"Listen ... with the ear of your heart."

Rule of St. Benedict Prologue

            I attended “Come to the Quiet” retreat at the Episcopal House of Prayer last Friday with fellow Theology students and Faculty.  I just wanted to share a little bit about my experiences of this evening.  It was so needed! I have been working my butt off this semester by taking 4 upper division theology courses and an upper division German history course (A lot of reading and writing!).  God has really allowed me to stay somewhat sane through all of this! Anyways, this retreat was so beneficial and allowed students and faculty to come together in prayer, reflection, and fellowship.  What a wonderful relationship we as students have with our awesome faculty!

            What I want to share with you all is the reassurance and love God gives to all of us.  As I have been on my faith and educational journey, I often feel like the rebel child in my family and church family.  I love my Evangelical background and it has really embedded value and worth of my faith in Christ, but I cannot help but feel that I have, in some way, stepped outsides of their “ideal” plan for every Christian child.  I’ve always felt that if I did not go to an Evangelical college and marry the “perfect” evangelical husband, that I am not in God’s plan.  Now, I’m probably just exaggerating some of my family and church’s uneasiness and dissatisfaction, but I cannot embellish the feelings I have when I encounter this.  I get the feeling that since I chose to attend a Catholic college and married a Christian man who does not necessarily consider himself Evangelical, that I must not be doing anything God-glorifying.  This is often the kind of recognition I feel that I get from some of my family and church.  Well, Friday evening at “Come to the Quiet” retreat, God gave me reassurance that I am on the right path … 

            When we were praying through a scriptural passage, Sister M. would read a part of the passage, be silent, and then ask a question to guide us in reflection.  During this she asked, “What would you like to tell God?”  At this point of the reflection, I was enjoying the peacefulness of this style of prayerful mediation, but then the next question is what stirred my spirit.  Sister M. then asked, “What would God like to tell you?”  I have never thought of it in this way before.  I have always concerned myself with what others thought of me and of course I always considered the will of God, but I had never thought to ask God what He wanted to tell me.  At that moment when I asked God this question, I was overcome by God’s Spirit and this overwhelming sense that God was so proud of me … I cannot even come close to accurately describing this in my limited human expression.  I was reassured that I am not a disappointment in God’s eyes and that I am where I need to be and doing what I need to do, and that God is glorified by my life and my hunger to know and understand Him better.  It was as if God had spoken directly to my heart.  What an amazing thing it is to be able to have such a wonderful and powerful relationship with our God. 

             At the end of the evening, I was (and still am) so thankful for the people God has brought into my life.  I am blessed by the community I find in my fellow theology students and the theology faculty.  No matter the denomination, I consider you my sisters and brothers in Christ and I value your unique walk with God.  Thank you for your support and encouragement.  To my family and Church family, I hope you do not find any offense in what I shared about feeling like a disappointment to you.  I love you all dearly and hope that you can see the Jesus in me and how He is continually shaping and working in my life.  I know God has big plans for my life and I am so thrilled!  Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.  I know I just started it but it is a wonderful way for me to share my life and my journey with all those I care about.  May God always be your Assurance and Salvation. Peace and Blessings,

                       -Pip Q.

Ubuntu –

"I am what I am because of who we all are."

UPDATE:

            My initial Thesis presentation to the Department of Theology went really well! I had good feedback and support from the faculty.  I also felt God’s hand in it the whole way, which was the greatest encouragement of them all!  I was able to share my research with passion and vigor.  If not noticed from the previous post, the title of my Thesis is “I Will Not Be Silent” – that was totally a Divine inspiration because I had no idea what to call me thesis and then it just plopped in my lap! Also, my fellow classmates had wonderful presentations as well. Praise be to God!

**Link to a virtual tour of Episcopal House of Prayer**

E. House of Prayer 

God in My Morning Walk

Awareness of God

To look for God not in the abstract but in the ordinary events of every day.

"We believe that the divine presence is everywhere."

Rule of St. Benedict 19

Today’s post is simple. I’d like to draw upon this beautiful Benedictine value of simply being aware of God. These pictures in this post is from my morning walk to my Moral Theology class. Every morning that I have to make this walk from Flinn Town[1] to my class, I always feel God walking with me. God is in the cool, brisk breeze that sends chills down my spine and in the sunshine that peaks through the trees. God’s fingerprints are evident in the bright colors of the autumn leaves and in the clear blue sky that towers above me. And every time I see the St. John’s Abbey Church ahead of me through the trees, I am reminded of the purposeful architecture in its design; a man-made creation structured and intended to reflect glory back to God.[2] I hope that these pictures inspire you to look for God in the ordinary events of your own day. May God bless your weekend. Peace.

Prayer Request:

-Riley is sending his applications in for Physical Therapy School. Our fingers are crossed that Rocky Mountain State (Provo, Utah) wants him. J

-I am presenting my thesis research and outline to the Department of Theology on Monday evening. I’m so nervous! Pray for calmness.

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[1] Flinn Town parking lot is the farthest parking lot from the main part of campus. A good 5-10 minute walk.

[2] If interested, I wrote a research paper on St. John’s Abbey Church a year ago titled “Saint John’s Abbey Church: Finding a Personal Appreciation in One’s Community.” Follow PDF link provided in this post.

St. John's Abbey Church: Finding A Personal Appreciation in One's Community

Hear With Your Heart

Open my eyes that I may see

Glimpses of truth thou hast for me;

Place in my hands the wonderful key

That shall unclasp and set me free.

Open my ears that I may hear

Voices of truth thou sendest clear,

And while the wave notes fall on my ear

Everything false will disappear.

Silently now I wait for thee,

Ready by God, thy will to see;

Open my eyes, illumine me,

Spirit divine.

-Clara H. Scott

            Throughout my busy life I have been trying to take time where I can just sit and be quiet with God.  Sometimes that’s before the sun rises with my morning coffee, or when I’m sitting in the library between classes, or like now, when I’m home alone in my freshly cleaned apartment.  I don’t play any music or do any fancy breathing techniques to calm or relax myself.  I just sit… in the silence… and be.  I do this because I long to be what God wants me to be; I desire direction and guidance in this crazy journey called life.  I aspire to be like King Solomon when God told him to ask for whatever he needed (1 Kings 3) and “Solomon could have asked for anything – wealth, long life, or anything else – but he asked for only one thing: a ‘hearing heart’ […].”[1]  To the ancient Hebrews, the heart was the core of the whole human being, living out in every aspect of their lives. “Most important, it was within the heart that people truly met God’s word – where real knowledge and conversion took place.”[2]  And if it is only for a few moments that we can get to be in this meeting place with God, it makes all the more difference in our lives.  God’s compassion moves through us and over flows into our daily workings.  I am definitely not perfect at discerning and being Jesus with skin on (as Gordon always called it), but I find encouragement and hope in knowing that I am continually trying.  God works in everyone’s life in unique and personal ways and that’s what makes life so beautiful. The thing is we often do not take the time to step back and reflect on how the Lord worked in our lives each day.  My hope is that through this blog, whether it be a reflection like this one, or a theological inquisition (which I will do!), that I can take you that step back and give you the chance to be with God, whether it be in praise, adoration, pain, confusion, contemplation, or whatever your heart is needing at that moment.  May this be a gentle reminder to hear with your heart and bring God into your day. Peace.

Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning, for in you I put my trust.  Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

- Psalm 143:8

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[1] Farrington, Debra K. Hearing with the Heart: a Gentle Guide for Discerning God's Will for Your Life. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2003, p. 3. 

[2] Ibid., p. 4.